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Dimensional Transfunctioner


What it is

`The` `Dimensional`
`Transfunctioner`

The Dimensional Transfunctioner is one of The eight gods, and is usually placed first in lists of the gods. Its secret is It's only my room if you're in it.

The Dimensional Transfunctioner or Spire of Dublin was the winning entry for a competition for the contract of replacing Nelson’s Pillar. It is 120m tall and the largest sculpture in the world, at nearly twice the height of Liberty Hall. It takes the form of a large needle which is visible from all elevated locations in County Dublin.

The The Ultimate Comment reveres the Dimensional Transfunctioner as one of the eight gods and as a device used symbolically or literally to access other dimensions. These dimensions are visible through the reflective parts of the Base Pattern. Each reflective part is a window into another dimension and you could find out how many dimensions there are by counting the number of shiny patches in the Base Pattern. However, no one has done this because it would be boring and stupid. O’Connell street and Henry Street are exactly the same in all realities, since they are visible upon looking into the reflection. However, anything out of eyeshot of the Spire (behind the Wall, or limit of perception) carries a probability of being a different universe. It would seem to be possible to climb through one of the "wormholes" in the Base Pattern, but the presence of one’s reflective self on the other side prevents anyone from entering the transfunctioner by conventional means, you dig? Many cultures - from Egypt to India to Polynesia to Native Americans, Zulus and Siberians to the Celts to the Elves of Lothlorien - have used reflective substances as portals to other dimensions. Mirrors are pretty fucking weird things to begin with, that's for sure.

In that it forms a boundary to all realities, and that it appears identical from all realities, it is likely that the actual monument is a complex immense hypercone shape. Its actual height (found by multiplying base pattern estimates and the monument’s one dimensional height) has been estimated at sixty kilometres. Naturally this is representing its dimensions from a hyperspatial point of view three-dimensionally, and is thus an abstract figure but it may give some idea of scale. Whether we are "inside the spire" or the spire is "inside our reality" is ambiguous and possibly irrelevant for three- or four- dimensional creatures such as ourselves.

The spire itself has attracted interest for tourists who view it either as an example of Irish folly or modern art, and it’s one of the few places in Dublin where you’ll find everyone constantly staring upwards. It was almost universally deplored as waste of public money or an eyesore by residents of south Dublin but is gaining a sort of ironic acceptance all across the city now, and some people are secretly proud of it. Even among the adherents of the Ultimate Comment there are those who would rather it had not been built, though they still recognise its awesome power.

It is also noteworthy that around Christmas time, most people will (knowingly or not) bring small models and effigies - which it must be noted still have considerable power - of the Transfunctioner into their home in the form of tall decorated conical trees ("Christmas trees").

The other end of the transfunctioner

It has been theorised that if the Transfunctioner was the length of the diameter of the Earth, and even if the top sways in the wind, the bottom must presumably correspond to a diametrically opposite point on the Earth's surface to where the head of the nail might go in.

That would be [http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=53.34975S+173.73957E&ll=-46.13417,166.816406&spn=26.688092,87.890625&om=1 here] (Google Maps link)

Seems like it'd be a good place for it - out in the open sea, so the head would be underwater, and there's nobody around to see it get put in place except New Zealand, who don't seem to care about much of anything.

Edit: Satellite imagery shows a [http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=53.34975S+173.73957E&om=1&ll=-53.252069,174.858398&spn=11.531172,43.945313&t=k mysterious crack] in the seabed here. Could have been caused by a nail getting driven in.

Spire of Dublin - apparently the official website of the Spire

One person's account of "energy" coming from the spire (from a website about chemtrails)

Category:The Eight Gods