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Cats


Cats

Domestic cats are small mammals that are mainly kept as pets.

They are characterised by:

  • A tail that is kept upwards for balance when walking, twitches when the cat is upset and used for balance when jumping or in many cases leaping great distances;
  • Pointy ears atop their heads which have the ability to turn through 180° independent of each-other to follow and locate sounds;
  • An ability to retract their claws and walk silently on most surfaces;
  • Characteristic noises ("Miaowing") and "Purring" (Both being onomatopoeic);
  • A liking for warm places;
  • A strong sense of independence.

Some cats also have the following abilities:

  • Sitting on the only piece of non-floor surface no matter how tiny it is;
  • Attacking birds, small rodents and fish;
  • Incessant demanding for food;
  • Sleeping inside cars when you don't realize they're doing it and drive off;
  • Attacking everything on site (may or may not be temporary);
  • Spontaneous psychotic behaviour.
  • Moving swiftly through crowded spaces without coming into contact with anything

Many owners have more than one cat and the interaction between the two cats may be difficult to predict, though in most cases nothing worse than a grudging acceptance of each other's presence.

How to Tell a Cat from a Dog

  • Placement of food at meal time:

Dog: Eats everything\ Cat: Reaction varies

  • Throwing stick or other object and saying "fetch":

Dog: Reaction varies

Cat: Reaction varies. WARNING: May attack your arm

  • Picking up the animal:

Dog: Not advisable for large species, usually receive a startled reaction in this case

Cat: Reaction varies - Purring, miaowing, struggling to leave, scratching. WARNING: Cat may attack

  • Owner going to bed:

Dog: More than likely will attempt to get attention

Cat: Reaction varies - May lie on bed purring, may attempt to get under the covers, may ignore owner completely

  • Knowledge of the secret of the universe:

Dog: Don't know secret of universe and lack the capacity to discover it

Cat: All instinctively know the secret of the universe

Cats in people's brains

Recent research seems to suggest that regular people have cats in their brains.

Cats on the internet

It is worth noting that pretty much the entire Internet is about cats: cats in sinks, cats wearing skirts, cats watching cats watching cats, and all that sort of bullshit.

See Also